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Update on life

So my out of the box way of thinking is suiting me really well right now. Petitioning for the Coven so far has been a huge blessing. Everyone has been so welcoming and helpful. So far very little drama. And they are serious about their work, the goings on in the coven, and mentoring spiritual growth. The best thing I have seen so far is that they foster an individual's spiritual growth in whatever their particular gift or area of interest is....not just the things that the coven does. In my book this means a great deal.

This week I start my new "Tribal" Bellydance classes. I will see if actions speak as loud as their words as this is their motto on the website:

Tribal Belly Dance can help you discover and appreciate the strength, grace, and beauty of your body no matter your age, shape, or size"

I am a little suspicious as I know someone in the core group that has lost a bunch of weight and there is no one that is plus size in the group now....hrmmm. Guess time will tell. I just don't want to waste anymore of my time with people who say things that they really don't believe.....or put into practice.

Tomorrow I start working 4 ten hour days.....it is not set in stone so if I can't handle it I will change back in January. I just realized though that I can't take some of the bellydance classes that start at 6:15 and that may be a problem.....guess time will tell.

I just spent the Thanksgiving weekend with our friends in Maryland who used to live in CA. The only sucky part(besides my friend losing his job-the worst part) is his family from CA who was there wanted to spend the whole time shopping. Sigh. Not what we all really wanted to do. But I guess when you are a guest at someone else's family time you put up with it just like if they were your family! LOL.

Mario and I are going to SCA Yule this month! I can't wait. Although I am sad it conflicts with the Yule that many of our friends will be at. But we got free passes and said we would go, and we are thinking about getting involved with the SCA so this will be a good start!

So between the Coven, Dance, and working on other crafty projects to satisfy myself...my life is very full. It has helped distract me from the fact I am distancing myself from certain toxic people in my life. And believe me if you are reading this you are NOT one of those people! Doing all these things is helping me meet new friends and that brings me much joy! I think I still want something that I can't have...a BFF that I spend a lot of time with and speak with often....but at my age I think it's not possible as people have many responsibilities and families.....or it is a problem of distance. Who knows I am blessed with many great friends...some of which I would love to see more of! I will have to make more of an effort and time brings people closer.

So that is all I can think of! I am grateful for all I have.
So there are many things in my life that have really sorted themselves out for me in the past few years. I am really grateful and proud of myself for coming such a long way. All these changes in which I speak of are things like learning to manage my bank account and bills, not stressing over things that need fixing in the house, and living within my means without accumulating debt. Some of these things were really major and difficult and needed to be addressed immediately before I completely self sabotaged my life. I still find I need to exert energy to maintain some of these changes.

Now that I have those particular things (mostly) under control I am working on other things. I have decided that I REALLY need to think outside the box as far as these things I listed below are concerned. Some of these things I had come to terms with and decided that it was who I was and because I needed to limit my stress I was just not going to work on them anymore. I have had a change of heart as of late and these things have come to the forefront now that other things have been worked out.

On my list:

1) I need to learn to take medication on a daily consistent basis. I can't afford my current Birth Control that I take every month so I need to find a way to remember to take meds on a daily basis and go back to using the cheap ass pill. This is also important because an Amino Acid supplement called NAC is supposed to help me not pull my hair along with taking B vitamins.

I have yet to come up with any ideas that have worked. Please if anyone has any suggestions. I have tried putting them on the kitchen counter, putting them on the coffee table next to my laptop, putting them in my lunchbox and in my car. All these things have failed.

2) I am also taking a whole new approach to my weight loss. And I am calling it Intuitive Weight loss...who knows if I succeed maybe I will write a book about it one day...if I only believed I was good enough to write a book.... but that is a whole other issue I have that needs work that I am not ready to tackle.

My approach: Take everything diet related I have learned that hasn't worked and chuck it. Never think about it again. My new rule which I have already started - only eat all natural foods with no chemicals and preservatives including HFCS. I also want to eat animals that have been treated well and if I have to eat mostly vegetarian to do it I will. This is expensive but I have already made sacrifices to spend more money on food. Quality and not Quantity is my new rule.

Also screw 3 meals a day....I am only eating when hungry and not at any specified times. And why should I eat breakfast if I am not hungry. I don't buy it anymore if it really is calories in calories out I can cut some by not eating breakfast.

And another thing.....I am avoiding going to the gym after work so I don't eat late. Screw that I need the exercise.

I am cutting out snacks....screw eating small meals 6 times a day.....I eat too much at one time so I am limiting those times I am going to eat.

I will not say I am not going to eat that food product because it is bad for me. If I like it I am going to eat it. So far cutting out food that may not be good for me hasn't worked either. Fuck that.

So basically I am listening to my body and my intuition and chucking the rest. All these diet rules have caused me major mind turmoil and I have become way too obsessed with food for all the wrong reasons which makes food the center of my thinking...and that is definitely not a good thing.

3) I am still at times discontent over my career choice - it wouldn't be an issue if I made more money. But does that really even matter....jury is still out on this. And I am still undecided about which way to go if I do make a change. Some possibilities include Ultrasound Technician, Registered Nurse, one day Author and Speaker, Biology Teacher......if I weren't so old I would contemplate being a chef and opening a Crepe restaurant, becoming a Talent Scout, or professional dancer.

Anyway...sorry to bore you with my rambling thoughts thanks for reading all this if you got to the end....if anyone can teach me how to post a link to my long posts I would be truly grateful.

That is all people. Much love.


you need to just freak the fuck out to feel better!


Hormones, Caffeine, and anxiety are really messing with my head. Won't go into details. Not looking for sympathy. Just Ack! This too shall pass.


Okay I tried to de clutter my house and was somewhat successful. Sometimes I feel like I just move piles around. But I threw out lots of stuff from the kitchen and living room. I try to have a place for everything and everything in it's place....but I have lots of stuff and I don't want my house to look "junky".

I think I need to get rid of lots of nick nacks but that is really hard for me to do. I want my house to feel relaxing and not chaotic. I have been thinking about picking up some Feng Shui books as well to help out. Keep the energy flowing in the right direction.

I think just being part of the pagan/goth/Ren makes you collect a lot of cool shit- and I have a big enough house to put it in....but I realize I have too much. sigh.

Plus I want everything in sight and at hand which doesn't help things. When I have things out of sight it is truly out of mind and I then don't utilize my things.

Like I have said in other posts - I am spending time and money working on my house: I have filled the box now it is time to fix up the container.

Renewed Energy

Now that all the chaos is over I am looking forward to doing all things I had planned well before all the shit hit the fan.

As I am writing this I send it up to the universe....I need a little break from all of life's little chaotic (and expensive) little surprises so that I can work on my Faeryseer tradition, dance, get back on track with my hair, and to continue losing weight. Okay thanks. I figure it was all just happening at once to get it all out of the way so that I can enjoy the rest of the year!

So. The house looks beautiful: I have a new back door and the loveliest sliding glass doors now. And a new screen on my front door! The old glass doors never opened so basically they were just a window. I am going to get a new patio set (eventually) and I think because of this I will definitely spend more time out on the patio!

The contractors ended up being great and teaching me many things....I also have a personal handyman out of the deal now....but that is all hush hush :P

Sadly my big tree in the front yard came down...the poor bunnies and birds have one less place to live-but it had to be done! And actually I think it looks better...now I need to decide what to do with the space...Mario had the same idea as me.....herb garden.

I have renewed interest in fixing up the house! Next step painting the inside (which I may need some professional help with and I will do the rest) and I am going to paint all the outside trim myself! go me!

Sometimes I look around and I see how much there is left to do and I get overwhelmed and just shut down.....but I am now looking around with new eyes. I have realized that we have actually accomplished a lot in the past four years: new fence, hardwood floors, carpets, shutters, water heater, and the yard is really starting to shape up! Just 2 more dead trees to take down and plant one new one....and I think that is it! I can't decide between a Witch Hazel tree and a weeping Japanese cherry blossom.

I think painting the interior will make all the difference!

Anyway......that is all that is up with me. House and garden stuff. Enjoying the beautiful Spring weather...which I hope will bring more friends around!


I wish my girlfriend didn't live 3000 miles away in Ca. She is the best and a long weekend with her wasn't enough :( Missing her.


Talked to the claims office at State Farm......they are calling this storm a catastrophe we will get our walls fixed and everything but I can't believe our deductible is 4,300 - where the hell am I going to get that kind of money *sobs* this week is so fucked. I have already been crying for Ben's death and for Kristi but this is too fucking much now. *sobs*

Ramblings Part 1- Cheese and Seafood

I have noticed recently the controversy of cheese accompanied with seafood is a major no no in the culinary world....

I set out to find the answer.....I didn't find anything concrete so I have concluded that:

1) It is definitely Italian tradition/cultural/regional in origin
2) That (Chefs and Italians)may feel the strong flavor of cheese overpowers the delicate flavors of fish
3) That in Italy they may adhere to this rule in public but possibly not in the home
4) The way Italians feel about the purity of fish being straight from the sea untouched by human hands from the ocean to the plate...the cheese (and how it is made) might taint this.

I think that cheese doesn't sound good with "fish" but may be good with some shellfish - lobster, scallops, clams...shrimp and crab maybe...oysters...no

I know though that I have had Parmesan encrusted fish and seafood alfredo's but they weren't at traditional Italian restaurants......